I Was Bitten is one of these "shockumentary" shows put out by the Discovery Channel/Animal Planet. As the name implies, it's about people being taught nature's harshest lessons in the most painful ways imaginable.
|(Pic : 3ringcircus.tv)|
It reminds me of the old BBC show "999". Except, instead of Michael Buerk telling you what to do if you're impaled by a bicycle, you have Dr Sean Bush (pictured below) explaining – in some detail – what will happen to your body if you're half-eaten by a tiger or bitten by a massive spider.
Dr Bush comes across as the sort of doctor who unwinds at the end of the day with a raw steak and death metal.
He explains things in a very matter-of-fact manner that's not....entirely reassuring. It's as though he's trying to hold back his excitement at describing the intricacies of being killed by a snake. Like a kid in school trying to put on a deadpan look, whilst desperately wanting to raise their hand to answer a question.
His descriptions are interspersed with attention span maintaining "whoosh" noises, accompanied by computer generated - sometimes real - images of people being turned to mush from the inside out by hundreds of millions of years of evolution.
"Your flesh will begin to rot...." WUSSSSHSSHSHSH...."Your eyes will turn inside out...." WUSSSSHSSHSHSH...."Every single orifice in your body will drain blood like a tap...." WUSSSSHSSHSHSH...."It's probably the most excruciating way to die."
And that's just his opinion on Channel 5.
|All the classic signs of a doctor who|
probably knows his Cannibal Corpse
from his Napalm Death.
One of the standout ones for me was the removal of a botfly larvae. You could practically hear it scream as it was dragged out of it's burrow within human leg muscle.
I suppose, hiding somewhere underneath the gore and still images of people dying in hospital beds, there has to be something the audience learns from it all. It's supposed to be educational, isn't it?
You learn : not to get trampled on by an elephant, not to pick up an angry snake, give Australia a wide berth and don't piss off bears, lions, tigers, wildcats etc.
All very useful in Wales, where the most dangerous wild animal is a roidhead with too much shoulder and not enough pavement.
"You should always avoid the male in heat, putting on a pink display for the females...." WUSSSSHSSHSHSH...."The toothbrush in the top pocket it a sign to stay clear...." WUSSSSHSSHSHSH...."You'll hear the warning call, which sounds like 'Woah, watch where you're goin', butt!'...." WUSSSSHSSHSHSH...